In the last 24 hours I strung through a roller coaster of emotions.
1) Fury that Josh Hartnett didn't properly make out with a man in Penny Dreadful. Why? Because every sex scene between cis woman and cis man in PD fuck like animals and there is SO MUCH TONGUE with believable body language. We need more believable queers in Media and they need to be all the genders, not just lesbians.
2) Exhaustion because my period came, yet elated to try my Thinx panties (that I forgot to wear this morning) and to read this cover story on NEWSWEEK about, you guess it, MENstruation.
3) Disappointment that the NY Primary is rigged. So many of us showed up to vote to only find out our names weren't listed in the area we were registered for. I don't understand why we still need delegates in NY, but that is for another conversation.
4) Horrified that someone I know, who I have hugged, who would come over to hang out, who always seemed so sweet is a serial rapist. This instills the "mild rape fear" that encapsulates a woman's thoughts while she walks alone. This is the "mild rape fear" of a man greeting a woman at the bar, who can you trust when a friend's friend rapes you? Who do you turn to? The rape crisis center is a joke, the police will imply it is your fault. Even going as far to say, "Oh come on, you were drunk. Are you sure you didn't send the wrong signals?". As far as I know the words NO, OW, STOP, and SOBBING or SCREAMING are not signals of heightened sexual approval for commencing orgasm.
What do you do when you are raped? - talk to someone. Get someone to be with you every step of the way. Have them with you when you speak to the police, have them with you when you go to the hospital, have them with you every step of the way. They are your strength, they are your guardian, they are the one who will carry you through the next several years of recuperation. You just experienced a traumatic event, don't be afraid to cry, don't be afraid to seek out a therapist, and don't be afraid to tell others, especially women. Talk to women, talk to trans*, and when you are ready talk to men.
We need to talk to men about this. Your cousin, your brother, your best friend, your boyfriend, your friends, your friend's friends tell them what rape is. Tell them how horrific it is. Make them understand and encourage them to talk about rape with each other. Toxic masculinity has spread through cis men communities and has instilled rape culture into our every day. We need to break down the barriers "MANHOOD" and open up to "PERSONHOOD".
WAYS TO HELP:
Bring cis men to feminist events like FVCK RAPE CULTURE, Femmequerade Ball, TRAPPED Film Screening. Share impactful articles with cis men by cis men "Man Up" by Deandre, "5 Common Behaviors Cis Men May Not Realize Are Abusive" by Jamie Utt.